day 365

the last one.

first things first:

a bit of progress...

my bed is MADE. this is such a rarity.

hahaha! i never had stuffed animals on my bed when i was little, so i suppose i'm making up for it now with this unusual amalgamation of creatures. i only ever slept with my ~*~blankie, creatively named "pink blanket" or "pinkie" (ever-present, far left)

and my clothing rack. it's a BIG DEAL for my clothes to be hung up and not on the floor.

secondly, in my nostalgic state i've been looking at pictures from past new years eves:

this was last year, new years eve 2009, at the cinnamon girls first show

there i am on the ground, nbd

and the year before,

on this night i remember being disconcerted by my ability to feel absolutely nothing at all and still be alive.

the year before that, 2007. i remember this being a really spectacular night. i had better pictures but i can't find them.

and the year before that. i had just had my wisdom teeth taken out days earlier.

i'm not really friends with any of these people anymore, some of them i don't even speak to. can't believe this was FOUR YEARS AGO oh my god i'm old.

i haven't planned any ~~*~*~*resolutions for next year. i think last year i resolved to eat more donuts, but i didn't really keep track. and well, this project was the biggest commitment i could've possibly made.

when i was 13 i made a new years resolution to paint my fingernails a different color everyday. it didn't work out.

(and things have certainly changed.)

so here it goes: the end of my 365 day project.

i really had no idea what i was getting into when i began, and it seems so surreal that i won't be doing this again tomorrow.

i honestly considered just not posting today, just not doing a picture, and leaving it at 364 days, because i didn't want to finish. it hurts for me to finish something, even when i know i have to.

i've always been disheartened by the idea of the past. i can trace it back to being 5 years old and crying because i would never get to see my sister's school play version of the wizard of oz again. it broke my tiny 5-year-old heart to know that it was finished; the moment was over and it would never happen again.

it saddens and angers me that i can't go back in time and relive any moments that i would so choose. all i have are memories, and more infrequently, photographs, that will fade over time until one day they might as well have not happened at all.

and so i've gone pretty much my whole life avoiding finishing as many things as possible.

this is easily the most time-consuming project (aside from LIFE) i've ever done. some days i would spend HOURS taking and editing photos.

there were days when i so badly wanted to quit. during the summer when i was traveling, it was difficult to keep up with it in the absence of a reliable internet connection.

sometimes during the fall semester it was almost unreasonable for me to concentrate on this project when i had SO MANY other things going on.

there were times when i couldn't bear to look in the mirror (ohh you know, ugly days), much less take a picture and post it online.

but i did it anyway, and here it is in its entirety. a complete collection of 365 photographs. a whole year of my life, finished.

and finally,

thank you thank you thank you for reading.

i don't personally know everyone who reads this...

(hey y'all)

so if you want to stay in contact, i have a facebook, twitter, my old blog that i may or may not start again, and a new tumblr that i've only posted one thing on and don't really know how to use yet.

i'm clicking this "publish post" button one last time.

THANK YOU

have a happy new year!!!!

and goodbye :o)